I have come across this interesting email about Mr Warren Buffet many times now. About his philosophy of simple living and high thinking.
But, the skeptic that I am, I always look at the other side. So for years, I thought that the old Chinese proverb “if you’re a millionaire, you have cheated your society; if you’re a billionaire, you have cheated your country” was supposed to mean that you despise the rich. Only after more than 3 decades on this planet did it dawn upon me that it meant that if you want to be a millionaire, you need to reach your society in the first place and if you want to be a billionaire, you need to reach your country in the first place. Cheating / serving, comes later on. So clearly, auditing is not taking me there. What do the richest people do? Software, media, sports, mining, metals, automobiles, diamonds, steel, cement, religion, politics, electricity, oil, coal – well, obviously, all of them touch many multitudes of lives simultaneously.
And so I thought I should read about Mr Warren Buffet one more time and read between the lines. Just for myself, though. If he starts thinking like me, he’ll probably be where I am! And I am entitled to think that it is not genuine / a hoax like many others and I have not verified if it’s true too, so I can react to it without the intention of hurting Mr Warren Buffet. So, if in the remote event it is true, I hope he or his publicity advisors do not sue me.
So, he always knew he was going to be rich. He doesn’t think he ever doubted it for a minute. Wow. I always thought I am rich and that I only needed a “little” more money and that’s that. If I remain content, as I always am, I’ll remain where I am, right? I mean, if I only feel the need to reach a little higher, I’ll still be standing where I am – where’s the motivation to jump?
He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late. Now let me remember. When I was 11, I was learning to play the harmonium. And I was struggling to remember 17 x 6 = 102 and 17 x 7 = 119 – I still can’t remember it. I was also being introduced to the colour television for the first time! And I used to run away from the newspaper. Hey, I wasn’t thinking about investing at all. I had no clue about it. I think I’ll teach my children to play the piano when they are 11. And invert the relationship between the television and the newspaper, if I can, though I still have the same disdain for the newspaper even today – but they change the numbers, locations and cartoons every day.
He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers. I haven’t known of a single person buying farmlands with income from delivering newspapers. Ah, you say, deliver newspapers in Hollywood and buy farmlands in rural Manipur? That too, from tips and other gains incidental and complementary to delivering newspapers? Ah well, that might work. When I was 14, I was struggling with Chemistry and History.
He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence. Three points here.
Well, firstly, for someone who would rather have shares instead of candy at 11, I doubt there is any beauty beyond the walls of his house. The point that he bought a house after he married and that he stayed married for 50 years would not help the typical Indian, so I’ll drop it. I still haven’t had a house and I don’t intend to stay married for 50 years – I assume I’ll be dead by the time I’m 65. And, secondly, everything he needs is in that house. Same goes with most men. A good TV, a refrigerator and the occasional convenient presence of the wife is all many men ever need anyway! No offence to anyone (even the wives) but that’s a fact of life. Some men have evolved to need a computing device and an internet connection, but I believe the total development stops at the pub. And, thirdly, we all know, by now, that all shares are in demat accounts. Now, who will need to have a wall or a fence around a house that hasn’t changed for the last 50 years? I mean, do you really think thieves are that stupid?
He says we shouldn’t buy more than what we need! Oh-me-gosh! Sorry, I swore. But then that’s what’s America has been doing so long!
He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him. I agree. There’s no sense in having bad drivers spoil your car and you end up spending more on the maintenance. And carrying a security man around means more wear and tear of the tyres. Plus the occasional cup of tea that needs to be offered to the fellow. I mean, if I intend to save every penny, I might as well save each and every dime. You really think it’s easy to buy farmlands by selling newspapers and have chauffeur-driven go-carts? I’m pretty sure he even cooks his own meals, washes the laundry and mows his own lawn. And answers his own phone. I mean the chorded black one with the round dial that goes crrrk-whrrrrrrrrrrrr when you dial 8 clockwise. Well, yes, the AT&T people replaced the one that Alex threw out with a sleek black one many years ago. Alex who? Son of Graham. Yes, Yes. The Bell Boy. Why did he throw it out? Well, someone gifted him a swanking new sleek black one!
He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world’s largest private jet company. I’d do the same. My company will have a strict policy of no complementary rides / passes. Plus, even if I own the airplane, I’ll still have to pay airport taxes. I’ve heard that they do not allow you to park your own car in the (your own) hangar in place of your own aircraft for free – you still have to pay the “long term parking charges”. Hey, be practical here. How many of you really drive yourself to the airport?
His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis. Like before, three points here too!
If I write an 80 page letter, it’s obvious I can’t write more than 50 in one year. The fellow is amazing. He can manage 63 – 26% more than me. Oh, sorry, I did not know that they are small letters. So if I were to write a small letter of appreciation with a goal and an option, I’ll go like this: Dear CEO, I am very happy and proud of you to note that you have doubled the profits since last year and am really honoured to have you in charge of my company. I have complete confidence that you will repeat the performance and double the profits of the current year during the next year (that, for you who cannot take a subtle hint or a direct message, is the goal). You also have the option that we discussed when I appointed you. Have a great year ahead. Thanking you with best regards, DGN. Friends, give me a break, please. Do you really expect me to tell you how I threatened him / his family / every freaking bone in his body / and the details of the dire consequences that were to follow if he did not follow my letters to the word? What were you thinking about – stock options? Of course, there are better options. Yes. I’d give him those.
He has given his CEO’s only two rules. Rule No 1: do not lose any of your shareholders’ money. Rule No 2: Do not forget rule number 1. Well, I’ll give something similar. Preferably served at the other end of a loaded double barrel. Not a barrel of beer, you dimwits.
He does not socialise with the high society crowd. His pass time after he gets home is to make himself some popcorn and watch television. Well, pretty obvious. If I had 63 companies, I’d be flooded with job requests wherever I went. And I’d be paying my CEOs to socialise, so why would I. And if I only went to parties and did not give any parties myself (except those that I did during some time in between when I had free milk from the farmlands and offered the guests the biscuits I got at the clearance sale and tea) it is pretty obvious that I will stop being invited in the first place, right? It’s hard to imagine what you have to do at these high society get-togethers. Without a Prada or Gucci, I’ll be an outcaste. Nobody will see the virtue in me using my grandfather’s prized leather wallet. And I won’t like the looks of the valet when I hand them over the keys to my Toyota Corolla 1986 model to park at the swanky hotel. Look, there are complications that are tedious to explain in a tiny blog, but let’s leave it at that. I was never known as a party guy, OK? So leave me alone.
And I already told you that I have a television in my 3 bedroom house, right? OK. So I did not mention the DVD player. And, can anyone out there tell me a more economical and healthy snack than home-made popcorn?
You people out there are entirely biased. I’ve heard that if you hate someone, even the way he holds his spoon is enough to irritate you, but if you love someone, even if he spills the whole bowl on you, you don’t mind. It’s just that you feel that everything that I do is wrong. You simply don’t adore me enough. But enough about you – back to me.
He does not carry a cell phone. Nor has a computer on his desk. 50:50 here. I was right about the chorded black phone. I was wrong about the internet connection and computer. But, I forgot to tell you that I write my letters by hand. So I did not need the computer in the first place. Just ignore that small remark where I said that some men need more than a television, fridge and wife. If I unintentionally hinted that I was among those who needed the bytes, then my hint was purely unintentional.
Bill Gates, the world’s richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half an hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet. Well, Bill Gates still hasn’t even thought of meeting me. He is right that he has nothing in common with me. And I doubt if he ever decides to meet me, if he will tolerate me beyond 10 minutes. But a thought crosses my mind. Did Gates decide to start donating after he met Buffet or before?
He has also given some good advice to young people. I agree with him. I’m not young any more. It doesn’t apply to me.
